We’ve all heard before how important it is for moms to practice self-care.
The demands of parenting a child with special needs require more time, energy and wherewithal just to get through the day.
Special needs parents often experience high levels of stress and encounter a level of caregiver burnout that, left unchecked, will most certainly lead to health complications at some point.
RELATED: SPECIAL NEEDS PARENT DEPRESSION
So how in the heck are we to focus on taking care of ourselves when every last ounce of energy we have is dedicated to supporting our kids??
Following are some REALISTIC suggestions for self-care from one special needs parent to another (without highfalutin suggestions for spa weekends because we all know that ain’t happening unless you’ve got yourself some trained nannies or other staff to take over while you go recharge).
READ: SELF-CARE FOR INTROVERTS
The majority of us are sleep deprived shells of our former selves who would relish the opportunity to go to the bathroom alone!
So, no worries – I won’t be suggesting you get up at 5am for some solo sun salutations because, well, sleep is boss.
But you might be able to add a few of these things into your day so you are not completely neglecting yourself.
Self-Care Tips for Special Needs Parents
1 – Get outside
Even if it’s while your kid is in therapy, step outside to change up the scenery. Waiting rooms can be so dull and your mood will soon mimic your surroundings.
If it’s a sunny day, then that’s a bonus. There are studies about how the sun can boost your serotonin which improves your mood. So, go soak it up – even if it’s just a few minutes at a time.
And if the sun is nowhere to be found? Go outside anyway. Breathe some fresh air. Blow the stink off as my dad used to say. Give it a try.
Then be sure to take advantage of light therapy to get your daily dose of Vitamin D. Check out this Portable Light Therapy Energy Lamp!
2 – Crank up the tunes!
Music can transport our souls to a different time or place. Singing along is an even better stress reliever!
Turn it up loud and belt it out and you will literally feel your shoulders relax and your mood improve.
It’s especially effective if you get some movement in at the same time. I am partial to a good 80’s tune and some ridiculous dancing to blow off steam.
It’s even better when my kids are embarrassed and yell at me to stop!
3 – Take care of your nutritional needs
Dietary changes are also proven to boost your mood. So try to be mindful of good nutrition and be sure you are getting enough fluids.
This is not always as simple as it sounds. Trust me, I remember running from appointment to appointment and grabbing convenience food in between.
I just could not get it together to plan, cook meals and bring healthy food along. Plus, my kids ate a total of five things between them so my options were sort of limited.
Try to make little tweaks that will add up to feeling better in the long run. Instead of more fast food chicken nuggets, turn it into a chicken nugget salad by throwing it onto a plate of greens and veggies.
Protein shakes are also a great way to get some good nutrition into your system.
4 – Tag team
Enlist your partner to take some solo shifts so you can have some breathing space. My hubs can fall asleep in approximately 2.2 seconds. I, on the other hand, have major issues with falling and staying asleep.
He agreed to handle any nighttime issues and I wore EAR PLUGS (LOVE THESE!) so that I could recover from the sleep deprivation. This literally saved my sanity in the early years.
To be honest, I was reluctant to ask for much help because I was worried that either the kids would be too much and the person I asked would run screaming or consider me selfish to want “me” time.
Eventually, I learned that it was necessary to have others cover every once in a while so that I could recharge and replenish myself.
If you are holding back from asking for assistance, stop it!
You need to tag out every once in a while to soothe your soul even if it’s just for a half hour! Then you can come back with renewed purpose.
5 – Feed your soul
When I first joined the ranks of special needs parent, I became a full blown warrior mom (okay, I also cried a lot in the corner, but when I wasn’t I was ready for battle).
This also translated to me being in a constant state of defense mode and my walls were impenetrable.
I later learned that dissociation is not an effective coping mechanism. I ended up feeling depressed, overwhelmed and isolated.
Now I make sure to carve out some time for prayer (or meditation) and I regularly practice gratitude.
This is not an innate way for me to think or act. I do have to be intentional about this and I choose to write in a journal to keep me accountable.
RELATED: 90-DAY GRATITUDE JOURNAL
Start by writing two or three things for which you are grateful and be consistent about it.
Eventually it won’t be so difficult and your perspective on life might even change to be more positive.
6 – Talk to an adult
Seriously, I cannot stress this one enough. You need to seek out people who can relate and with whom you can share this journey.
Even if you are not able to leave the house, find an online forum. It is so important to feel connected, especially to others who “get it”.
Special needs parents often find themselves feeling alone and isolated.
RELATED: SPECIAL NEEDS PARENT ISOLATION
Self-care might seem like an out of reach convenience for many of us special needs parents who are in the trenches.
We spend a considerable amount of time supporting and caring for our children. There is ALWAYS something that needs to be done.
However, if you ignore self-care, you are bound for a big crash at some point.
You cannot possibly keep plowing ahead full-steam without ever replenishing your energy supply.
RELATED: LET GO OF SPECIAL NEEDS PARENT GUILT
I learned this the hard way and am urging you to make some small changes in your life, GUILT-FREE, to be a better version of you, both for yourself and your kids.
These self-care tips for special needs parents are simple and straightforward. Share your best tips below!
50 Comments
My son has autism, so I appreciate these tips. It’s not always easy, but I make sure to take time for myself. And music does help!
Yep! The music brings it to another level.
This is great information! It is so helpful of you to share your experiences 🙂
Self-care is so important. My brother-n-law has a daughter with special needs and has learned to take care of himself only recently.
this is very true. i am glad to have found a post as this. I will start trying these soon once my rush is over. thanks for sharing
These tips are helpful for all the parents out there. Thankyou for sharing these. Really very helpful. 🙂
You are so brave Laurie for sharing your experience with the world and advising parents who have children with special needs. Loved your beautiful post.
I love this post. Keeping your nutrition in check is absolutely one way to practice excellent self-care. I also think getting outside is also essential, a breath of fresh air can really change everything.
Nutrition is 1000000% important, I always stress this for EVERYONE. Because food truly dictates your health and without your health, you have nothing!
I love the suggestions for getting outside and listening to music! Seriously, just being outside for a few mins can make a world of difference. Between the sun and the seeing some green or something other than walls, it’s a big mood booster. They say listening to music from the time you were in high school/younger days is especially helpful in raising moral. Thanks for the post!
Having someone to tag you out is so important. And maybe that person is a spouse or a relative or maybe it’s a trained caregiver. But you need to be able to take care of yourself if you want to take care of others.
These are excellent tips for everyone. You can’t take care of anyone else if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Thanks for sharing!
As a special needs mom (my daughter has Down Syndrome), everything you say here is so true! We were fortunate enough to be able to afford a nanny when my daughter was smaller and had really good people who worked with us so she could do things like attend the after school and summer programs during elementary school. That made it a little easier to practice self-care. I find that I can go days without talking to any one else which is still a problem! Great post!
My children are not considered special needs, but this still resonates with me as a mom. Getting outside is so important, and making sure we take care of ourselves! It can be hard to focus on self care sometimes but we can’t care for others unless we are cared for.
These sound like some really great tips – I can only imagine how hard it is to look after yourself when you have special needs children to look after.
This is an incredible post for anyone, but especially special needs parents. You can’t nourish others if your cup is empty. So important to take breaks and breathe so you can recharge. Love this!
I have high respect to a parent like you because I know it’s not easy. I have a cousin that has special needs and my aunt would often see my mom and I see her crying coz she’s tired. Talking to an adult is really important.
love these recommendations. these are great for all parents, not just special needs 🙂
Everyone should not neglect self-care. Let’s think of it this way, how can we take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves?
These are good tips. I agree that mom’s of special needs really need Me time as it helps them recharge from really challenging days. I will send this to a friend who I think needs this. Thanks!
I have friends with special care needs and this are awesome tips that will surely be a great help to them.
Thank you for sharing.
This is such an important topic- thank you for helping people realize ALL parents need down time.
I have a child with special medical issues and having a community to SO important. Even though I dont know anyone who is dealing with the same issues, I do have a great group of friends and I am sure to talk to adult EVERY day – that is key
Parenting can be tough! But when you’re child has special needs, there are a few more challenges and sources of stress. I went too long without taking care of myself and ended up in some serious physical pain because I wasn’t dealing with stress. These are great ideas for things we can do to take care of ourselves.
Parenting is hard – whether your kid needs special needs or not. But even more so if they have special needs so thanks for all the tips. I am sure they are gonna help a lot!
I like that you offered realistic ways to decompress and rejuvenate. Music and being outside always work for me.
These ideas are great for anyone too. I could not imagine what it must be like sometimes.
Self-care is so important. Music and being outside are the things most people can enjoy.
These are some great tips for self-care for special needs parents. Thank you for taking the time to share these.
My cousin has a special needs baby and I know her biggest tip is getting outside. It helps her immediately distress and just think.
Self-care is important and It’s a shame some people forget that. Those are some great tips listed above, so nice of you to share.
This is a great post. Getting outside more an changing up the view is always a great idea. Plus, nothing beats out sunlight 🙂
These are really great ideas that you have shared! Taking care of one self is super important and something as simple as getting outside and eating right, can make all the difference in the world.
About your hubby falling asleep almost immediately and how you on the other hand have a problem sleeping, I feel you! Every little movement and the faintest sound would wake me up.
Having adult time is such a good thing whether you have special needs kids or not. And also being able to share responsibilities as a parent helps so much with the stress level and gives you more energy to do the things which need to get done. Good things here.
Straight to the core….I love it! Just like it’s said, ‘if you aren’t in a position to take care of yourself, how are you supposed to take care of me?”
Thanks Lauren for sharing.
Much love.
I am a mum of a child with severe communication difficulties and autism. You are right that often this is an area that we as parents neglect. My son is now 18 and in a specialist school that has made all the difference. The progress he has made has been phenomenal!
I am so happy to hear about his progress! Yes, we do often neglect ourselves, don’t we? I hope that you take some time to care for yourself today <3
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Has anyone tried the Portable Light Therapy Energy Lamp, I see it has a 4 out 5 star rating?
Thanks in advance.
Pamela
I know quite a few people who use it and love it!
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After my daughter’s autism diagnosis I spent an overwhelming year in grief, EHCP confusion and meetings etc. She was diagnosed early at 3 and started special school this month. My younger child is now 3 and has SPD and social delays, she may have Aspergers. After a year of feeling low I joined slimming world and lost 3.5 stone and began going to comedy clubs and nights. My own mental health has greatly improved and I’m much more relaxed and focused on what needs doing rather than becoming overwhelmed. Comedy helps me see the funny side of life. I’ve now met some tv comedians, have a regular club I go to and always have comedy nights lined up. I saw Russell Howard last week, I have seen most of the celebs on mock the week and panel hows and lined up now I have Jimmy Carr and Paul foot. It’s really helped me. Life is too serious as a SEN parent. What’s lovely is I could spend the morning in a stressful meeting but in the evening I’m falling about laughing at stand up!
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