Maybe there is a mom you’ve noticed at school functions that seems especially worn out. Perhaps she’s a bit more ragged looking or the bags under her eyes are somewhat more pronounced.
She stands aloof at school activities, ever alert yet in dire need of sleep. She may have a toddler hanging from her pant leg or an infant strapped to her chest. You notice that she seems rigid, like an Army General who remains on guard 24-7.
You’ve heard her son’s name a lot. Your child reports that the teacher had to pull him out of class or off of the playground for a break. He may even have an adult “helper” following him around.
It is obvious that she is struggling and you realize that her child has different needs. You would like to help, but don’t know how. You especially do not want to offend her.
Special needs moms often go it alone. They want support. They need help. But they don’t know how to ask. Others either feel funny offering or don’t want to be bothered. Those are the facts.
If you have ever wondered how to support a special needs mom, then these practical tips are just the thing for you.
Invite them
Special needs moms often report that it becomes difficult for their children to attend playdates or extracurricular activities. They may spend their time at therapy rather than the playground.
This can often mean that the invitations stop rolling in, not only for their kids, but for the moms as well. They miss out on the connections moms typically make when their children are participating in activities together.
It is tough to navigate the world of special needs parenting. But the feeling of isolation that affects so many special needs moms is an additional challenge.
If you want to support a special needs mom, don’t stop inviting them! Even though they may have to turn you down 9 out of 10 times because of the unpredictability in their lives, keep asking.
Offer to watch their other children
Special needs children can change the family dynamics. Their needs often become the center of the family’s focus and energy.
Siblings of those with special needs often miss out on social or extracurricular activities because the logistics of getting them there do not work.
READ: REALISTIC SELF-CARE TIPS FOR SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTS
Offer to drive a sibling of a special needs child to and from activities. Or simply offer to have that child over to your house to play with your own kids.
The siblings of special needs children often suffer silently. If you want to support a special needs mom, help her by giving one of her other children the opportunity for interaction.
Be open to learn
Special needs moms feel how tense you are around them. They don’t want it to be so awkward.
Ask questions about their kid. Be interested. The last thing they want is to be treated with kid gloves or like they have the plague.
Yes, their child is different. But that should not stop you from being a friend who cares about your friend’s kids – ALL of them. Get to know that child and their struggles and successes.
Celebrate with her
Once you get to know the child, you can help your friend celebrate the successes. The milestones may be different, but a proud mama can always appreciate another mama celebrating with her.
It is only by showing interest and asking questions that you can get to know what a big deal it is for her child to reach a milestone.
Do not be afraid to be curious and to celebrate those milestones with her. It will mean the world.
Just listen
Special needs moms don’t always want people to offer suggestions. Sometimes they literally need to let it out without any response.
Well intentioned people all want to share their advice. Special needs moms get A LOT of opinions about how to best deal with their kids.
If you want to truly support a special needs mom, often all it takes is showing her that you are there to listen and not judge.
Be a friend
This might seem silly, but treat the special needs mom just as you would any other friend. It does not have to be all about the kids!
Special needs parents want normalcy, especially in relationships outside of their family.
They want to gossip about the new celeb couple, go out with girlfriends for happy hours, and just let loose!
Be a friend and let the special needs mom be the “normal” one sometimes.
The bottom line is that special needs moms often feel isolated and overwhelmed. While they could certainly benefit from support from other moms, they are not likely to ask for it.
Special needs moms love their kids and want nothing more than to see them succeed (just like every mom!) Yes, the milestones may be different and the route to get there is often full of obstacles that typical kids don’t experience.
Maybe you ARE that special needs parent looking for some support. Forward this to friends and family who have been asking how they can help. This will give them some practical ways to help you.
READ: SPECIAL NEEDS PARENT DEPRESSION
We all have a lot to learn from each other. Different does not have to mean scary. Follow these practical tips to support a special needs mom and know that you are likely to get just as much out of the relationship as she does.
11 Comments
So many wonderful thoughts here. I’m a teacher and to see some parents ostracised or struggling, when all they need is for that one person to reach out. It’s heartbreaking!
I love these tips! Thank you for sharing some ideas for us to support others. Sometimes it’s hard in those situations but it is so important!
Thank you for being willing to support others! 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing these tips! Sometimes you really have no idea how to help and like you said you don’t want to offend someone. We need to support one another. Parenting is hard so adding in other dynamics…I can only imagine. Thanks for sharing with us at #LiveLifeWell.
Yes, we do need to support each other. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I find most frustrating is when I am invited tickets are way beyond something I can afford its almost worse, I find financial Isolation to be the worst of all living in poverty. 1st you don’t have time then you have no money. Maybe I just havent figured out how to live in the positive yet
That is difficult, Amy. It’s hard to not be affected by what you don’t have. I try really hard to find something that I’m grateful for and pray that I can be thankful rather than focus on what I don’t have. I’m not saying it’s easy at all.
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